with your own penis?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
