so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
