i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
