My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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