I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
