she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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