I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize