let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
