what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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