Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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