your parents love me but you hate me
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i think my cat just said my name.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
