I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Boobs speak an international language.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
