The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
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Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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