God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
