I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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