i jhust puked up my retainher.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
