I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
