i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
