Umm I'm too high to move.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
