I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
