i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
