Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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