the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
