Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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