There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
