my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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