8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
