I wish I could teleport
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
