I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
