I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
this just has baby written all over it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
