Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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