be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
