we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
