I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize