I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
