$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
