So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
