did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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