did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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