I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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