i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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