GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
