I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
