Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
