Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize