xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
