just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
