she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize