I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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