I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
