ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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