you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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