he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
