hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
