ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
