We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
