I think my fart just growled at me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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