my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
