he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
