if you like me you must not know who I am
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
