She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
