we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Success! We fucked roommates!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
