You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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