In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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