i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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