They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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