I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
